28th September, 2010
Adrian De La Cruz for The Rotten Egg
Reporting from,
Andheri, Mumbai, India.
The city witnessed violent lightning storms for two hours this evening. It seemed pretty clear that the Almighty wanted to have the earthlings a preview of his/her wicked Lazer show. The scare tactics worked and people rushed to hide under large trees or ran through the streets talking to their dear ones on their cell-phones. The wild streaks across the sky also ruffled a lot of feathers at the Good Shepherd Church in Four Bungalows market locality of Mumbai’s Andheri suburb.
As the last of the parishioners stayed back waiting for the storm to pass, the Church’s rather healthy flock of chickens had nowhere to hide. For nearly half an hour they beat their wings in utter terror and flash upon flash illuminated the night. They clearly expected to be claimed any second and their piteous cries could be heard all over the market road. The owner of the corner chicken shop was also present at the scene. There was no sign of relief for the traumatized birds until the Church Guard finally saw sense and managed to round them up and drive them all the way up to the roof. His stroke of genius clearly worked, for fifteen minutes later, all was quiet once again. It is learnt that the Church trust will now build a permanent wooden shack for the flock to take shelter in during future lightning storms.
The Rotten Egg is proud to serve perverse news-hungry maniacs during troubled times.
Archive for September 2010
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Lightning Storm Scares Bejesus Out Of Church Chickens
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Huge Pile of Plastic Confuses Beach Cops
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Adrian de La Cruz for The Rotten Egg
12th September, 2010
Reporting from,
Juhu Beach, Mumbai, India
It’s taken the Bombay police two weeks to admit that they spent two hours panicking themselves silly over an oily mass that eventually turned out to be a lot of plastic.
As always our correspondent Adrian de La Cruz was around poking his nose into the business as baffled cops and joggers stared mindlessly at the lump whispering wild stories to each other. Sometime in the night, the shapeless lump was washed up on the beach by the tide. As the first joggers and footballer kids entered the beach in the morning, most of them ignored it completely. It is not clear who called the police, but pretty soon a lot of them descended on the scene.
Barely five feet away from the ‘site’, a bunch of boys had set up shop and were chalking out their goalposts. As more and more curious residents gathered, hardly any of them blinked an eyelid even as a ponytailed goon pulled off an amazing ten consecutive step - overs and toyed with the opposition right - back. The boys decided to take the game to the uninterested crowd and deliberately played the ball close the lump, but the police did not seem to have the heart to shoo them away. On closer inspection, one could clearly make out their half-open eyes.
Finally however, they did swing into action and each of them brandished a battered walkie-talkie and spat into them for the next ten minutes. In response, a team of beach cleaners appeared and began dismantling the marooned item. That was the signal for the cops to relax their guard. Now they began to watch the football match in earnest and “ooh-ed” and “aah-ed” at the right places as chance after chance went begging. As more ponytailed goons warmed into their pseudo-Barcelona sleep-inducing tactics, the watchers stretched out comfortably on the bonnets of their jeeps.
The only event of note in the ensuing hour an half was an amazing finish by the captain of the non-ponytailed goon team that won them the match. In fact, this individual can pass and finish better than most the members of the current Juventus senior team on any given Sunday. As the salvaging and unwrapping concluded, out poured a lot of plastic tape in several sized, shapes and colours, clearly having floated off from the site of the oil spill. Our reporter’s hunch about the mass being covered with oil was confirmed when he got a closer look at it once the crowd’s attention was diverted by a brand new bright yellow Police ATV making its way down a rocky slope some distance away.
In the end, the cops who sought to hog the headlines by uncovering the head of a beached whale spent two boring hours next to a shit-ball of plastic and lot of senior citizens got fodder for gossip and an opportunity to spread more crazy rumours about monsters invading the city.
The Rotten Egg was instantly able to identify the object for what it was and requests the government to award strict punishment to the perpetrators of the oil spill that caused incalculable damage to the city’s coastline.
12th September, 2010
Reporting from,
Juhu Beach, Mumbai, India
It’s taken the Bombay police two weeks to admit that they spent two hours panicking themselves silly over an oily mass that eventually turned out to be a lot of plastic.
As always our correspondent Adrian de La Cruz was around poking his nose into the business as baffled cops and joggers stared mindlessly at the lump whispering wild stories to each other. Sometime in the night, the shapeless lump was washed up on the beach by the tide. As the first joggers and footballer kids entered the beach in the morning, most of them ignored it completely. It is not clear who called the police, but pretty soon a lot of them descended on the scene.
Barely five feet away from the ‘site’, a bunch of boys had set up shop and were chalking out their goalposts. As more and more curious residents gathered, hardly any of them blinked an eyelid even as a ponytailed goon pulled off an amazing ten consecutive step - overs and toyed with the opposition right - back. The boys decided to take the game to the uninterested crowd and deliberately played the ball close the lump, but the police did not seem to have the heart to shoo them away. On closer inspection, one could clearly make out their half-open eyes.
Finally however, they did swing into action and each of them brandished a battered walkie-talkie and spat into them for the next ten minutes. In response, a team of beach cleaners appeared and began dismantling the marooned item. That was the signal for the cops to relax their guard. Now they began to watch the football match in earnest and “ooh-ed” and “aah-ed” at the right places as chance after chance went begging. As more ponytailed goons warmed into their pseudo-Barcelona sleep-inducing tactics, the watchers stretched out comfortably on the bonnets of their jeeps.
The only event of note in the ensuing hour an half was an amazing finish by the captain of the non-ponytailed goon team that won them the match. In fact, this individual can pass and finish better than most the members of the current Juventus senior team on any given Sunday. As the salvaging and unwrapping concluded, out poured a lot of plastic tape in several sized, shapes and colours, clearly having floated off from the site of the oil spill. Our reporter’s hunch about the mass being covered with oil was confirmed when he got a closer look at it once the crowd’s attention was diverted by a brand new bright yellow Police ATV making its way down a rocky slope some distance away.
In the end, the cops who sought to hog the headlines by uncovering the head of a beached whale spent two boring hours next to a shit-ball of plastic and lot of senior citizens got fodder for gossip and an opportunity to spread more crazy rumours about monsters invading the city.
The Rotten Egg was instantly able to identify the object for what it was and requests the government to award strict punishment to the perpetrators of the oil spill that caused incalculable damage to the city’s coastline.
