The Rotten Egg

Adrian de la Cruz for The Rotten Egg


14th May, 2010

Reporting from,

Andheri West, Mumbai, India.



In a bizarre incident, a 50 year old homeless man was arrested today for molesting a stationery mannequin in broad daylight. This correspondent was on hand as the man casually sashayed down the sidewalk, passing one expensive clothes shop after the other before approaching one and putting his hand on the mannequin’s chest for a full three seconds before withdrawing it and continuing on his way as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred.

Shocked onlookers froze in their tracks as the assailant moved past them, even stopping to tickle a baby in a pram and a chihuahua behind its ears. However, an alert store employee gave chase and stopped the fugitive from making good his escape. The police were summoned and the man is now understood to be facing a lengthy trial.

This case highlights that cheap internet porn and groping women in crowded places is clearly not enough to satisfy the pent-up sexual energy and strange desires of the average Indian male and that he is constantly looking for increasingly ingenious methods to meet his ends.

Meanwhile several women’s rights groups have expressed outrage over the incident and are petitioning for modifications in the country’s archaic laws pertaining to crimes against women. It is unclear whether there is a law that covers this particular case given that mannequins aren’t exactly human but the police have locked him up anyway because they don’t want him getting his hands dirty on another groping spree.

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